


Who Said Wizards Don't Need WiFi?

by bloopy



Series: Haikyuu!! at Hogwarts [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Gen, Kenma needs WiFi, help him, kuroo and bokuto need to stop getting in trouble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27957161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloopy/pseuds/bloopy
Summary: Kenma's new show was coming out and instead of being at home where he could watch it live, he was stuck in stupid magic school where phones aren't allowed. But if phones aren't allowed, then why can his phone sense a WiFi signal?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou & Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Akaashi Keiji & Kozume Kenma
Series: Haikyuu!! at Hogwarts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033569
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Who Said Wizards Don't Need WiFi?

**Author's Note:**

> Short little story focusing on Kenma and Akaashi! I almost feel bad for Akaashi but I also understand the need for WiFi. Hope you all enjoy!

“I have a problem.” Fourth year Ravenclaw student Keiji Akaashi collapsed next to his year mate in a secluded corner in the library.

“Does this problem have anything to do with obnoxiously loud upperclassmen?” Kozume Kenma didn’t bother looking up from his essay, already knowing what this was going to be about. He had the same problem after all.

“Ughhhhhh. It’s just-why me? We aren’t even in the same house! Why am I the one stuck doing this!” Akaashi was _this_ close to banging his head on the desk but decided to have a little more decorum.

Kenma finally looked up. “Honestly it’s probably because you’re too nice. I mean I can't get out of it because unfortunately I’ve known Kuroo for way too long and it would be too much effort to make new friends now. You on the other hand have no one to blame but yourself for this mess.”

Akaashi stared at Kenma his mouth open in disbelief. “How is it MY FAULT THAT I’M GETTING HARASSED BY FIFTH YEARS WHO CAN’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!”

Several other people stared up at them torn between looking concerned and laughing at the famously stoic Akaashi getting flustered. Akaashi finally realizing he had no decorum left allowed his head to bang against the desk hoping for the sweet release of unconsciousness. Kenma ever the useful friend, was laughing in the corner.

* * *

Winter break at Hogwarts was always a delight, if you were someone that enjoyed the freezing cold and miserable weather. Kenma made it a personal mission to not step outside of the castle even once in the winter months, this meant that Kuroo made it his mission to get him to do the opposite.

Currently, Kenma was in an empty classroom working on……..something, while Akaashi was trying to practice his transfiguration.

“So how long are we going to keep hiding from the Great Hall? I would like to eat on time for once this holiday.” Akaashi complained.

“If you want to go to the Great Hall and get attacked by those two, be my guest. But I refuse to deal with their excessive clinginess after their stupidity got them stuck in the forest for three days.”

Akaashi had no choice but to agree. While the fourth years never particularly minded hanging out with their older friends, after that….mess from last week, all the fifth years developed way too much sentimental attachment to their underclassmen, even the ones not in their house. If Akaashi had to get dragged into another four-hour quidditch practice while it was snowing, he was going to make sure no one found Bokuto’s body.

Finally after getting bored of his work, he turned to look at Kenma, who was holding what Akaashi remembered to be his phone.

“Uhhh Kenma. What exactly are you doing?”

“WiFi.”

“What?”

“I’m trying to see if I can figure out the WiFi passowrd.”

Akaashi sighed. “Didn’t Kuroo confiscate your phone in the beginning of the semester?”

“What kind of amateur doesn’t have a backup?”

“Of course. So why the sudden interest in WiFi?”

Kenma mumbled something illegible. Akaashi kept staring until Kenma finally looked up at him, trying his best to hide his reddening face.

“My favorite show has a new season coming out.”

“And you have to watch it now?”

“Yes Akaashi of course I have to watch it now! This is the first year I’m staying at Hogwarts over the winter break and look at the timing! By the time I get back to the muggle world enough time would have passed that no one would put spoiler warnings on ANY of their Instagram posts! Do you have any idea how _ANNOYING_ that is?”

“Uh no not really.”

Kenma facepalmed. “Whatever. I have been waiting for this new season for three years and I refuse to let the stupid magic school laws stop me. Now are you in or not?”

“Wait what?”

Kenma didn’t bother to explain, instead he just dragged Akaashi out of the classroom. Akaashi sighed knowing that while most people assumed Kenma was very lazy and unmotivated, that only applied to things he didn’t care about, like his schoolwork.

* * *

“So what happened to your: no stepping outside of Hogwarts with pain of death to anyone who makes me, rule?” Akaashi was shivering while looking at Kenma walking around the top of the astronomy tower.

“Shut up Keiji or I’ll hide all your hair products.”

Akaashi rolled his eyes. He was sure that Kenma could have gone to Slytherin if he wasn’t so lazy because his vindictive streak was a mile long.

“Alright so being on top of the astronomy tower is supposed to help you how?”

“I’m trying to see where I get the most bars. That’ll help me figure out where to go to get the password.”

Kenma kept walking around, sticking his phone out in different angles while muttering under his breath. After several circles it was clear that the signal was definitely not the strongest in this area.

“Come on Akaashi let’s go.”

“Where are we going now?”

“Tour of the school.”

“What.”

“We need to run around the school so I can see where the signal is the strongest. But with my stamina it would take forever, so stand still.”

Akaashi was still comprehending Kenma’s words when he felt something on his back. Kenma was trying to climb onto his shoulders. Akaashi shrugged him off and stared at him incredulously.

“Seriously!”

“You are an athlete. What is the point of your dumb muscles if you can't carry me around the school? It’s too cold to keep walking.”

“I’M NOT THE ONE WHO BROUGHT US UP HERE!” Akaashi seriously needed new friends.

Kenma shrugged and mutterd something about unimportant details before looking up at him.

“If you don’t do this, I will burn your products.”

“What.”

“Your hair products Keiji. I will burn them all.”

Akaashi put his head in his hands. After several minutes of wondering what he ever did to deserve this, Akaashi decided the least troublesome way was to just give in.

He bent down and carried Kenma piggyback style. He was just glad that it was lunchtime so the chances of someone seeing them like this was minimal at best.

As he began to walk down the stairs, Akaashi asked: “So how are you going to ask a professor for a muggle WiFi password when you aren’t supposed to have your phone in the first place?”

“I never said anything about asking.” Akaashi stopped walking.

“ _What_?”

“What? Us hardworking students deserve this. Teachers can't have all the fun.”

“And you see nothing wrong with this at all?”

“Shut up it’s not like your moral compass is any better. You deliberately told Bokuto that Tsukishima wanted to practice quidditch with him this morning. I can still see them on the field from here. No one with good morals willingly offers up others to Bokuto’s quidditch practice.”

Akaashi had no response to that.

* * *

After about an hour of walking around to different parts of the school with Kenma periodically making him stop, Akaashi was tired. Unfortunately when he tried asking Kenma to walk himself, he put on the saddest, most tired face and began to apologize. Next thing Akaashi knew, he let him get back on his back. He was weak.

“Well well well, what do we have here?” A really annoying voice knocked Akaashi out of his thoughts.

Kuroo and Bokuto walked up to their younger friends.

Akaashi put Kenma down. “Hello Bokuto, Kuroo. Shouldn’t you be off torturing third years?”

“Nah Tsukki threatened to write to Suga if we kept him any longer. So we thought we’d check in on our favorite fourth years.”

“If you guys aren’t doing anything important, we can play quidditch!” Bokuto jumped excitedly.

Kenma looked at him in disgust. “You’ve been playing since the morning how do you still have the energy? Also go away you guys we’re on a mission.”

“Oya?”

“Oya oya?”

Kuroo and Bokuto came up on either side of Kenma and looked down at him, sly grins on their faces.

“Consider us involved.”

Kenma stared at them, thinking about the potential consequences, then decided that seeing his show is worth it. Sighing, he motioned for everyone to go into one of the empty classrooms where he began to explain his dilemma.

* * *

Kuroo was going to kill Kenma. How dare he outsmart him by having a backup phone!

“So why should I help you and not just take your backup phone huh?”

“I’ll tell your sister about what happened on her birthday last year, and why the cake didn’t show up.” Kuroo winced. Kenma probably had more dirt on him than anyone in the school, including Suga. Even worse, Kuroo’s sister absolutely adores Kenma and he knows she will go out of her way to annoy him if he doesn’t go along with this.

“Alright you’ve got me there you brat. We’ll get the stupid WiFi password but under one condition.” Kuroo grinned at Bokuto who was looking confused, “If we help you get it, you and Akaashi need to play quidditch with us once a week for the rest of the semester.”

Bokuto jumped in his seat. “Bro YES! That’s our price take it or leave it!”

Kenma motioned to Akaashi and they started whispering hurriedly. Finally Akaashi looked at his two upperclassmen, “Alright we accept your terms.”

The fifth years grinned.

Kenma motioned for all of them to get closer before saying: “I think we need to break into the headmaster’s office.”

.

.

.

“What!” “Nope!” “OH COOL!”

“Just hear me out. While walking around, the strongest signal came from outside the headmaster’s office. That means the router has to be there which means the code as well!”

“So you’re basing this on the assumption that the headmaster didn’t change the passcode?” Kuroo asked, still in shock that Kenma of all people would suggest something like this.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. But we’ll never know unless we try and it’s not like anyone else has their phones around. Imagine how fast the signal would be.” Kenma started to get a dreamy look in his eye.

Kuroo facepalmed. Akaashi stared off into the distance, wondering what his parents would do if he got caught breaking into the headmaster’s office. He mentally began to prepare his eulogy.

Bokuto was the only one who looked excited. “Oh this is going to be so much fun. I can't wait to see the headmaster’s office! Bro bro I wonder if he had like a super huge chair you can spin around in and a really bog desk like one of those-”

Kuroo smacked him on the back of the head and told him to shut up so they could listen to Kenma’s plan.

“Alright so the plan is this.”

* * *

The next day after lunch, Kenma and Akaashi were standing behind one of the pillars where they could see the entrance to the headmaster’s office. They were ready, all they had to do was hope Bokuto and Kuroo do their part. Kenma didn’t have time to think of a better plan, he was getting desperate here.

Finally, they saw Bokuto walking towards them, and Kuroo coming from the other side. They watched the two of them begin some verbal argument before Bokuto shoved Kuroo leading to an all-out fistfight. The paintings on the side were egging them on and shouting words of encouragement.

Finally after a couple of minutes the door to the headmaster’s office opened and Headmaster Hibarida walked out and began to try and separate the two boys. Kenma and Akaashi quickly put disillusionment charms on themselves and ran into the room before the door closed again.

Once inside, Akaashi began to feel very nervous. The second the charm wore off they would be seen by the portraits who would definitely alert the headmaster. He couldn’t see Kenma but he could hear him muttering under his breath. Unfortunately for him, his nervousness was making the charm start to lose its strength. He knew he couldn’t stay in here for long.

Akaashi wasn’t exactly sure what he could do to help so he stood in the corner and sincerely hoped that Kenma would find it fast, because once the headmaster walked in, he was going to leave whether or not Kenma was ready. They really didn’t think this plan through.

After a couple more tense minutes, the door opened. Akaashi didn’t bother to wait for the headmaster to walk in, he sprinted out almost running into a body. Without bothering to check who, he continued without stopping all the way into the Ravenclaw common room.

After a couple of minutes of waiting in the fourth-year dorm room, Kenma walked in with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Did it not work?” Akaashi wasn’t sure what Kenma would do if it didn’t.

“Not only did the router code not work, I realized something important on the way back. My show isn’t going to air until the summer. I must’ve gotten the date wrong.”

Akaashi collapsed on his bed with shock. “You mean we almost got in trouble for NOTHING!”

“Oh please you hardly did anything. If anything, I’m more concerned about what to tell Kuroo.”

Akaashi sighed and gave up, deciding that he would just go to the kitchens to calm his racing heart.

* * *

Kenma and Akaashi found out the next morning that Kuroo and Bokuto managed to end up with detention for a week after one of them accidentally punched the Headmaster in the face during their fistfight. Kenma almost felt bad for them, but if they didn’t know how to fake a fistfight that wasn’t his problem. He did get them some consolidatory chocolate from the kitchen and promised to play with them once later today because he wasn’t completely heartless.

Akaashi nudged him and he looked up. The headmaster was walking up to the Ravenclaw table. Akaashi and Kenma looked at each other in a panic. Akaashi’s brain went into overdrive trying to think of anything he’d be able to say to make the situation look better.

Finally, Headmaster Hibarida stood in front of their table with a neutral look on his face. He was a very tall man, with broad shoulders and a thick black beard. That black beard became much closer to Akaashi’s face as the headmaster leaned down and said:

“Calamitatis summa.”

“I’m sorry sir, what did you say?” Akaashi squeaked out.

“Calamitatis summa. The total disillusionment spell. It lasts much longer than the one they teach you in class and doesn’t pop when you lose focus. Also I really do love cherry pie, such a great breakfast treat.” Then he took a slice of cherry pie from the table and walked to the faculty’s table.

Akaashi watched as Kenma wrote cherry pie in on his phone, and suddenly he gasped. “I have WiFi?”

They both looked up at the headmaster who was sitting on the faculty table in a discussion with Professor Nekomata, he noticed them looking, gave them a wink, and turned back to his conversation.


End file.
